8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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