it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
