where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
