I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
