i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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