Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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