oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
