I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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