Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
