haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
did you just send me my own nude
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize