I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize