making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize
