Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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