dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
