omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
