Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
