ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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