I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
