seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
