I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
