Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
