smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
