Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
