Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
