I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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