This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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