nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize