dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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