I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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