Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
