i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
You can't special order awesome
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
