he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
