what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
