i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize