he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
