Betty ford says i'm here all night
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
