She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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