There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
