This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize