all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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