Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
