Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
