so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
