Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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