Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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