I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Green mimosas i think yes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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