I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
