hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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