Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize