she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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