WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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