It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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