I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
