Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i believe in u and ur pee
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
