i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
