They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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