i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm way too hungover for life right now
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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