so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
