Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
