Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
