If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize