my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
