I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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