The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This baby is an asshole
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
