I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
