i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
