i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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