I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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