Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
