thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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