New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Rumble strips road head = magical
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
