Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
