Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
