So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
