You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
