I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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