She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize