I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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